Hey there and welcome to Beck and Lane. This is the first post that I have written in quite some time. The last few years have been a wilderness season for both Charles and me. However, at the end of last year I felt a stirring in my heart to start writing again. As 2023 approached, I began to think about what I wanted to accomplish in the new year and creating a new space to write was one of them.
In 2018, the Lord spoke to my heart about writing and sharing HIS word. I remember vividly sitting in Olive Garden and sharing what God had impressed upon my heart with Charles. I was moved to tears as I was sharing this with him. This is what God wanted me to do. Yet, I didn't do it. I found myself so distracted by other things and would later walk through a difficult season of discouragement.
So, when God was prompting me to start writing again, the first thought that entered my mind was "I am Jonah". I recently went back read the book of Jonah and I could relate to him and his story. God had an assignment for Jonah and when he called upon him, he ran and so did I. I knew deep down that writing was what God was calling me to do. But I questioned why anyone would want to listen to what I had to say, how am I qualified to do this and what if no one reads it. I made it all about me and my abilities rather than all about God and HIS.
Instead of moving forward in obedience, I did nothing. For 5 years, I made the decision not do what God had called me to do. Essentially, I was telling God no. And much like Jonah, running away from your assignment has consequences. He faced a storm and ended up on the dark, cold belly of a fish. While I never ended up in the belly of a fish, I did face a number of storms that led me to a dark place of discouragement.
However, God is merciful and extends us so much grace. And when HE sets his plan in motion, it will be done. It was God who stirred up the violent storm and appointed a fish to swallow Jonah. And through these events, Jonah found himself in a place where he called upon the Lord. And when he did, God commanded the fish to spit him out. All of these things were orchestrated by God so that Jonah would fulfill his assignment to preach.
As I look back on the last several years and all that has happened, I can see now how all these things that we experienced happened so that I would get to the place where I am ready to fulfill my assignment. The distractions have been removed and the season of discouragement has come to an end. And just like Jonah, I am getting a second chance to be obedient and say yes to God. A dear friend of mine, Ronna, preached on Jonah this past Sunday and it was a confirming word for me about what God was already stirring in my heart. In her sermon she stated, "God does not need your ability, he wants your availability." That is my desire is to make my heart and life available to him.
Here I am Lord....
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